I put my daughter to bed at night but that is about the extent of my parenting. My relationship with my son isnt the same anymore. dont get me wrong, she just doesnt seem to have any kind of attachment to me at all.it makes me feel worthlesssomeone replaceableis this something that will pass, or should I talk to her doctor? I do everything to. me and my partner were separated for awhile while i gave birth and then 7 months after that could she be missing my parents who are in a other country or is it something else. What more should I do, she doesnt even sleep in her cot cause I want her next to me during the night but still as soon as she wakes up and my mother comes in the room she wants to be with her! Since my son, per judge, lives only with his dad. My daughter prefers my mother, as she looks after her while Im at college. If your wife can take a step back, realise this is a normal process going on and that her time will come (and probably sooner if she allows your daughter to live out her current crush on you), and stop worrying and taking it personal, life will be so much easier for all of you, and maybe especially for her. After all, during their first twelve months babies still physically need mother's milk. i feeed her ok but after a feed she now just turns over away from me. First, talk to your mom about how you feel. I always thought it was because I am a working mum but it seems that even stay home mums have this problem. I feel left out. But as soon as Daddy is home, I really become part of the furniture. It will all work out, whether you stew or ruminate about any of it.". In 2019, the labor force participation rate for women was 57.4%, compared with 69.2% for men, according to data from the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics (BLS). I am also the sole breadwinner in my family. Sometimes I think having two woman caretakers might confuse her and therefore not recognize my role as a mother. I have 18mo old twins. If it is your mother, rather than you who spends most of the time with your daughter, it is quite natural that she feels more secure with her right now. Hello all moms I am glad to know that this may be just a phase I am a 24 year old mom first child. I still want my mommy on bad days. Mom's Question: Dear mom, do you think that you might be suffering from a postpartum depression? So they want to carried around the clock, wont play by themselves, cant be handed over to anyone else but mom or possibly dad without screaming like there was no tomorrow. Take naps together, take a bath together, just go down on the floor (if it isnt too uncomfortable) and play together. she sees her dad may be once or twice a months. its hard to be a parent but it is very important. If he wasnt a secure baby he wouldnt be able to bond with other people. You are only passing through this valley and nothing ever stays the same. I was very badly rejected by my own mother when I was a child and so I feel the pain of rejection very easily. im a first time mum and my 10 month old son does the same i only work 3 days a week part time i come home from work he goes to grandad and his dad he dont want to know me it hurts me so much i try so hard but it never works even weekends he still goes to his dad and crys when he leaves the room is upsetting i dont know what to do xxx. I breastfed him, co-slept, whenever something would be wrong he would want to be pick up by me. Ive never hurt her and when I get frustrated with her I always sit her down and walk away and take a few breaths. But it is by no means too late. If it is new, I dont think you need to worry very much; it will pass. So, doing all these these boring things, like putting her to bed, diapering, eating and so on, really should be made as enjoyable as possible. My concern would be if s/he was not bonding with ANYONE, that would indicate a different problem altogether. In most cases, mothers return to work as soon as their child is about 5-6 years old. I have a 16 or 17 month cousin, but she calls me Mom! Just wanted to let you know that your experience is word-for-word like my experience with our little boy. I have not seen the same reaction for me. Since I read your post I have been praying for you every day. But if we can handle it as adults, and give our children both love and space no matter what, I am certain that our long-term relationship AND bother their and our personal development will benefit. Well, they dont know each other yet! Do I spend too much time with her? I am prone to mild depression and can be a bit of a hermit sometimes. Do something that you know your son loves and be completely present with him. Nursing strikes happen for many reasons. Being 18 months old, your daughter is in an age where turning out towards the world is a natural development. Have you ever considered that? At this, understanding and accepting a no simply is beyond her. My mom used to take care of her during the afternoon so I could study. Because I was in a very bad place myself over this issue, I understand your pain and encourage you in the strongest terms to get support for yourself. I found the update posts from those parents who were in this situation and came out the other side especially helpful. I dont know what to do. i feel like he doesnt want me home and i know its bad to say but i dont even look forward to coming home anymore? Even when I say hi or try and pick her up and kiss her, she doesnt want anything to do with me. This is apparently common and it is only frustrating when some outsiders try to make you feel bad about it (they usually have no kids or they are judgmental). All of a sudden our 9 month old son seems to prefer his daddy over me. But my 14month old is obsessed with his dad and it totally kills me. You know, we have to accept it, applaud their development and let them go. The Reddit . How could she not with the kind of devotion you show, despite doing it alone most of the time. Her grammy says when either their head or tummy is hurting they dont want their mama, but this really concerns me because of how awfully loud she screams. Treat breastfeeding like dessert and offer the breast after your baby has had a bottle. Very hopeful! Must be very painful for the mother. Allow a drip or two go into your baby's mouth, then try to insert the bottle nipple into your baby's mouth. Recently, she wasnt feeling well and was running a temperature and she only wanted daddy. If we dont see them for a couple of weeks, I feel the bond coming back but we cant stay away for ever & my girlfriend doesnt understand what Im going through please help cause it really hurts & gets me down. Instead allow yourself to really enjoy your time with your daughter. And when were playing all together on the floor he always goes to her over me. He has always preferred my husband I too have PND but I feel the fog lifting and now I am not sure if I should see anyone or not. the other thing i discovered is that she is often reflecting what my own personal mood is. saying that she isnt good the way she is today. I was disconnected from the baby during my whole pregnancy i was very depressed, but the second he was born i instantly fell in love and felt so ashamed that i felt the way i had. In any event, what helped me was to actively and often affirm to myself that I am a GOOD mother. But she adores my husband (and he hardly spends any time with her at all). Its been like this since he was a newborn. When toddlers reject their mothers, it's either one of the three reasons explained above. Im teaching and comes back home in the early evening. I am very responsive with both. Above all, enjoy these last few weeks with your little one. Hi all. You havent ruined your baby with your sadness. My partner thinks I m silly and tells me not to say things like she does not want me but its true, he never worries cause she wants him all the time. My Postpartum Depression Made Me Reject My Baby. He cant even get close to here with a crying. this is just a phase. in the meantime I feel like a monster that frightens her ??! Say he only listens to his dad and not me, not sure what to do , he is 7. Now that you've understood the first approach, solving this issue won't be so hard. His granddad plays with him every minute he gets with him. Ive struggled with anxiety, depression, substance abuse, suicidality, anger and low self-esteem my entire life. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Since your baby just recently started to reject you, you dont have to worry about the overall bonding with your baby. That doesnt mean that he doesnt love you. Most times I doubt she even knows that I am her mother. Take your baby for a casual walk. i know i need to love her now but do feel so sad when she pushes away from me. As soon as I pass him to someone else he is quiet immediately. I kind of hid behind work and did not take the time to bond with my baby boy. If I hold him, he wriggles and cries to get away. I felt so upset, My 18 month baby boy really likes his dad than me. by Margaret e Jacobsen. Push her away and put your foot down. i so wanted to be a mom and was so happy to have her that i never thought i would be such a failure. RIght now he is identifying with dad. It sounds to me as if you really want the best for your son, but that you are to some extent in a vicious circle. I feel like a failure when it comes to being a mom. Most likely, your son is going through a phase when he is turning out towards the world. I work Monday-Friday from 830 am to 515 pm , i want to move alone with her to see if she gets a little attached to me, but its hard.. And do things together all of you. i leave for college and am out of the house by 5am he doesnt realize im even gone but when i come back at 11am hes fine and playing with grandma untile he sees me and i go give him a hug and kiss and im ready to play and its like a switch he starts crying for hours! I do everything for her but she does not know that I am her mother. Be proud of the fact that you are doing such a good job of making your daughter take you for granted that is exactly what a baby needs; to always know in her heart that mom is there for her no matter what. If she reaches for her dad or someone else, let her go without showing your pain. I just want to know what I am doing wrong, so I can change it. If she is secure enough to bond with your mother this quickly, chances are that the bond between you and your daughter will also happen very naturally and grow strong. I believe our consistent schedule via the webcam n video call had paid off. Is that true? They fidget a lot or hate getting messy. Or give me some advice so she wont freak out on me like she does? Somtimes she seems to get very distressed, but at bedtime I read to her and hold her, my wife says Im the best person to get her to sleep? But its like the opposite of your problem. thanks, I have a year son who is doing that also- I have always worked 2 days a week, but even when I am home with him, he is cranky and loves anyone else rather than me, especially his daddy and grandma- Its tearing me up! Also, when you come home, try to be together with them together with your wife as much as possible, so that their separation anxiety regarding mom doesnt come between the three of you. but Ive become hardened to it. Try to let her keep it any way you can (but not on the phone for such a little girl). grandma was kinda showin me the ropes and showin me some tricksi also do alot of running around during the day so grandma watches her.now, when i have her and she gets upset she screams for mme. I would give up my job in an instant if I could but we simply cannot afford to do this as we also look after my father-in-law and every penny is needed. which is why I do not understand why he seems to prefer my husband and MIL over me. I get up with him in the middle of the night when Im so tired I could die. Create a soothing atmosphere 3. Anyway, I wish I could say something to ease the burden you are under, just know that a fellow mom out there is empathizing with you. I work 4 full days a week and am with him without fail 24/7 the other 3. It is an intensive period. Should I try to get my husband to do more of those things when possible, or will that just lessen the bond between my daughter and me even more?? Im pretty much the disciplinarian.. could that be the reason? Ive been really upset about in the last few days, crying about it and even getting cross about it. At the same time, he prefers his moms presence and shows it. I am not quite sure, though, whether things are for you like for many dads, who havent been their childs primary caregiver, and hence face the fact that their child might not be as attached to them yet as to their moms or if it is simply so that your daughter is so secure of your love, since you bonded so well that she is now ready to let go of you more for a little while. Am a single mum living with my parents. Please help! Can someone please advise me on what to do? I only seen him twice and I feel like if he is getting very distant from me.last time he visited with his father he banged his head by my head little bit and he refused to be comforted by me, he only wanted to go to his dad. Congratulations on your little daughter! I am in the same boat. I just persevered like you, and it really did get better. I know shes only 6 months but shes not loving at all towards me..If i try to hug her and cuddle she pushes and screams and kicks, she would rather go to anyone but me.i treat her like an angel and I dont understand why she doesnt seem to love me.. Shes a really happy smiley baby. I have a 20-month daughter. Much more effective than disciplining a child. Here is a little bit about me and my situation (I am very interested if anyone else can relate to me) I was a bit older when I had my son (33 years old) I had a C-section with complications which meant I couldnt be with my son until 3 hours after his birth. Hi i have been a stay at home mom since my 3 year old was born, but now my 17 month old son seems to not want me or love me. It really hurts and more so because i am going through so many medical problems after my pregnancy. I have a beautiful 15 month old little girl, and am so worried that I have permanently damaged our relationship in some way.I think its started from birth really, when she was born I was desperate to nurse her but she seemed to fight my efforts and would arch her back and scream and punch at me with so much hate in her eyes. To make them as comfortable as possible with you, have you tried recording lullabies or small stories that they can listen to when you are not around? i struggle with post-partum depression-and have sought help for it-but that doesnt mean i always feel sunny. When they put him on my chest right after delivery it was the most beautiful moment of my life. More Like This bottomline she just wanted my husband.I guess having 2get through a c-sect, my gets 2spend more time with our girl. Why is a Toddler rejecting Mom after a new baby arrives? However, as in some of the other posts, dad seems to be the one to play with and have fun with and I am the one who had to do the laundry and clean the house..could this have anything to do with the favoritism? But I see no end to this..I will never forgive myself for missing out on all those beautiful beautiful moments that I have been robbed off. i completely agree with you and also want to add that our love and care is imprinting our children on a sub-concious level. He always trying to get daddys attention instead. Toddler Milestones. Or has anyone here experienced their toddler crying when they hear the parents voice on the phone and they are fine once they see them? Thank you and keep your heads up!! From my experience (I have 2 girls, ages 4 yrs and 16 mths) and this problem passes. So everything stabilized for me. Is it common that a baby rejects mom after going back to work? It will happen, if your baby is bonding with others s/he will bond with you. What the hell do you expect when you abandon your baby? Tips for Going Back to Work After Baby and Easing into a Routine. I had to go back to work part time at 6weeks, but have been 100% available and loving and devoted every second I have free. But she preferred to be cuddled by my mom instead. What he really needs might be to have more fun and more time with his dad. If you've made the decision to return to work after your parental leave, this can be a sensitive and busy time. thanks again! . Ive experienced this rejection since she is about 3 months old, but it is now that she expresses herself that it is really affecting me and I just dont know how to cope with it anymore. I also had postpartum for the first 3 or 4 mos and I actually do think that had a role in the bonding problems I had with my baby. she would prefer me if she is with me and strangers but at home I am no where in her priority list. But all this can be easily changed! as a side note: i think post-partum depression is viewed as a shameful thing. I have a 10 month old and he laughs and gets excited to see his grandma more than he ever does for me. The main reason is that at this age, children start attending school and they become more independent. going to bed, having her diaper changed, eating (weve had problems with her wanting to eatanother issue entirely), etc.). she cries alot wen i pick her back from wrk . Tonight is especially bad, he pushed me aside to get to my mom. She is very happy when she sees mom, the nanny or either sibling but seems really scared and just screams if I so much as walk into a room where she is (and Im not kidding). The kid has been with us for 5 months and is super happy but Im not sure if she should see her mother just yet with the reaction she has with just hearing her voice. Just continue to be there for her and show that you are still around even if things are not exactly like before. But they arent helping your relationship with your child. Our little boy went through a 5 week phase when he was about 9 months old, where he really preferred his daddy over me. its a vicious cycle sometimes if i feel down, then shes rejecting me, then i feel even more worthless, then shes acting out even morei have to just stop and think about what im projecting. she doesnt want him to hold her or talk to him. or something similar. I often wonder if it was like a viscious circle: he didnt want me, I got upset, he didnt want to be around me because I was upset, which made me more upset, which made him even less inclined to be around me and so on and so on. Breast refusal tip #8: Try a different feeding position. You may express breast milk so that others can feed your baby. I try to kiss her, hold her and tell her that I miss her and all she does is throw a tantrum and cry until her dad is holding her again. Try to stay bright and relaxed, it really WILL get better. Laura, youre not silly, youre human! With planning, you can meet your breastfeeding goals while at work or school. I used to take pride in what I do as a professional, now I feel sorry for myself that because of my academic pursuits, I am not even a good mother I have to take her back with me in a month to the USA, and its making me nervous about how she will deal with the separation from my parents she screams endlessly especially at night if I try to put her to sleep myself and is inconsolable. I feel to so down at the min that Ive been thinking of running away and letting him have the kids while I start again somewhere else, they never want me anyways so doubt they would miss me (my son is now 4). i am a younger mother who still lives with my mother. The earlier you start looking, the better. I had the same with my daughter, which happened at maybe 7 or 8 months. She rather suck her thumb than sucking the bottle. Now I just started work, and she doesnt even bat an eyelid when I leave or when I get home, I try and play with her and she still ignores me most of the time, or gets mad and wants daddy. That is an excellent way to allow the two of you to bond. Going by the earlier posts, my problem is likely due to my travel job. I do that almost everyday, and shes fine and enjoys playing with me when were home together; again, its when her Dad comes home or when Grampy and/or Aunt Mel come over that she wants nothing to do with me. Disguise the bottle. yes its also my in-laws first grand child but at times i feel there are selffish. 1. You ask about the girl not wanting to talk to mom on the phone. She is almost 14 months old and she doesnt seem to want anything to do with me lately. she is three now. Its so disheartening and hurtful, but Im glad (how bad is that?!) May I ask how your relationship is when dad is not around? Your little one will still be provided with consistent, loving care. I dont work and both me and her dad at home with her. So youve done great job. I just wanted to tell the parents here that this has nothing to do with your work or parenting style. i try to spend the most of my time with her but maybe its not enough, i wish i knew where i went wrong. It took effort from all of us to get to where we are now, but forgiving each other and moving on as responsible adults to give our boy a good life, is one of the best things Ive done in my life.). I am really glad to see that I am not the only one with this problem. My 9 month old baby seems to get attached to everyone and any one. I am in love with my son but I am starting to get severely depressed, spent most of today sporadically crying and avoiding contact with him jus to keep him happy I feel like the house is happier when I am not seen or heard and I am so sad I try not to let him see it but I have gone weeks now where he doesnt want to look at me or talk or play with me. Try to have a lot of skin contact with her. You are obviously there for your son. I am not working and its just because of her that i am not working. Within one week of my twin girls being born , I was posted overseas on a 2 yr project, and get home only one week every three months Because of the location it is just not realistic to take my wife and babies, and when I get home, both my babies just start to cry when I go near them, this tends to last most of the week.. Apart from leaving my job, is there any advice you can give me. Since about 3 months old she prefers daddy over mommy but now it is to the point where she tells me I dont love you I love my daddy. She pushes me away and wants nothing to do with me. However the last few days as he has been spending more time with his dad he starts to moan when we are together and nothing is good enough and he cries really badly when he is hungry. One thing's for sure: he wants nothing to do with you. She wants me over anybody except when they are around. I am an older mom (41 years old). Very scary! I was born to an ignorant mother who failed to nurture me. I am so in love with my son but am so heartbroken by this! Heartbreaking! I am so happy that my two main men have such a great relationship, but I want to share in it too! Babies dont put anything extra in a certain word compared to another. Hi all i am the farther to my 15 month old son & he is a loving child at home but as soon has we go to his Nana & granddads house he doesnt want to no me. fnaf security breach drawings sundrop. (And by all means, get the same kind of time alone with your three year old too!). My mom realizes and tries to reduce it a little, but to no avail. I know it is hard and scary and painful after many months of being pregnant and then being everything for a child. Well, its not grumpy, its nore her screaming like Ive thrown her on the floor! I know its not fun for her and I think that is why she rather remain with her father. We were always there 4her, either in person or via the net and she knws that. Or I bundle them together, rather than giving each one of them time. I have a 11 month old little girl. While I would never ever leave my child, I am very concerned about the lasting effect on our relationship. But doesnt mean that you should just sit and wait! Before we know it they are even out of the house. Like he likes seeing us fight over him, gets an almost devious smile to see that hes hurt my feelings. This means that for many working moms, maternity leave isn't an option, period. I also have a 5 year old daughter and she is the opposite. I have been with my 4 month old since birth and she recently started to stop laughing at me or anything I do and I try so hard. I have only returned this week to work after 11 months off with my 11 month old baby girl. They all saw it for themselves as we were all on holiday together, but its my girlfriends mum & dad not mine but she doesnt see a problem but only a farther will tell. Im a stay at home mom so Im with her everyday. It hurts me so much inside and i dont know what to do. But I only see her a few hours a day when I work (weekdays). 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Above all, during their first twelve months babies still physically need &! Dad or someone else, let her keep it any way you can meet your breastfeeding goals while work. On my chest right after delivery it was the most beautiful moment my... That at this, understanding and accepting a no simply is beyond her never hurt her and i having. Bundle them together, rather than giving each one of them time that others can feed baby. Middle of the time to bond with other people her over me for that!